Babalu - Episode 105: Year of the Snake

Intro: The following series addresses sensitive topics

including self harm and suicide. Listener discretion is advised.

Uneasy Tiger: Uneasy Tiger.

Luisa: Why are millennials so anxious and unhappy? Sure. Tell

me why Psychology Today.

Margaret: Luisa?

Luisa: Yes.

Margaret: Come on in. It's good to meet you.

Luisa: You too, Margaret.

Sorry. Should I call you Dr. Tomori?

Margaret: Oh, no. Margaret is great.

Luisa: Great.

Margaret: So I have your intake form here. Let's spend a few

minutes reviewing it together.

Okay?

Luisa: Sure.

Margaret: I'm going to confirm your responses, but feel free to

elaborate or just let me know if anything's changed. Okay?

Luisa: Uh-huh.

Margaret: Name and date of birth.

Luisa: Luisa Zhang Hillman, 02/23/1988.

Margaret: And legal gender is female, identifying as female.

Luisa: Yes.

Margaret: Marital status is single.

Luisa: Yes, unfortunately,

according to my aunt. I'm kind of seeing a guy right now. I

don't know if that counts, but my aunt doesn't know about him

yet. So

Margaret: Okay.

Ethnicity: Asian and multiracial.

Luisa: Yes. It's I can explain.

Margaret: Noted.

Mother's name is Sherry Zhang.

Luisa: Zhang.

Margaret: Zhang.

Luisa: Mhmm.

Margaret: Deceased. 29 years old at the time of her death.

Your age at her death was one. And for description of

relationship with mother, you wrote complicated. We'll

explain. Yes.

Luisa: As you can see.

Margaret: Noted.

For your father's information, you wrote unsure.

Luisa: Yeah. I that's also complicated.

Margaret: Quite alright. We can talk through all of this in more

detail.

And no siblings?

Luisa: Correct. Well, I mean, I guess that I know of.

Margaret: Okay. Moving

on to the next section, which asks about any issues you're

experiencing. I'm gonna list out each issue regardless of whether

or not you left a check mark by it, just to confirm your

response.

Luisa: Okay.

Margaret: Are you experiencing any of the following problems?

Alcohol or other drug abuse?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Alcohol or other drug abuse in your family?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Anger, temper problems?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Anxiety, fears, or worries?

Luisa: Yes. I I think so.

Margaret: Communication problems?

Luisa: Yes.

Margaret: Compulsive gambling?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Death of a loved one?

Luisa: Yes.

Margaret: Depression?

Luisa: I didn't check the box because I'm not sure.

Margaret: Noted. Eating disorder?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Financial concerns?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Problems at work or unemployment?

Luisa: Nope.

Margaret: Legal problems?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Any major losses or difficult changes?

Luisa: Yes.

Margaret: Marital or relationship problems?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Parent child conflict of any sort?

Luisa: Yes.

Margaret: Any physical abuse when younger?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Any sexual abuse when younger?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Sexual problems?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Suicidal actions?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Suicidal thoughts?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Any violence in the family, actual or threatened?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Okay. Next section. Coping.

Are you constantly washing hands, body, counting, or

checking things?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Any changes in appetite, weight gain or loss?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Nausea?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Loss of hunger?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Vomiting after eating?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Constipation or diarrhea?

Luisa: Sometimes.

I think I I think I checked that box. But honestly, I was kinda

confused by the use of check boxes on this form and what

exactly warranted

a check mark.

Margaret: Oh, it's okay. You can give me context. Difficulties

concentrating.

Luisa: Sometimes.

So, yes.

Margaret: Okay. Disturbing thoughts that you can't stop?

Luisa: Sometimes, yes.

Margaret: Fatigue or low energy?

Luisa: Yes, a bit.

Margaret: Feeling guilty, worthless, or hopeless?

Luisa: Yeah. Guilty.

Margaret: Feeling hyper or too much energy?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Loss of interest in things?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Moody or crying more than usual?

Luisa: Yes.

Margaret: Do you think people are out to get you?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Do you think people are picking on you?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Do you have problems remembering things?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Repeating actions that you can't stop?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Any sleep problems? Difficulty falling asleep?

Luisa: Lately, yes.

Margaret: Nightmares?

Luisa: Yes.

Margaret: Waking up in the middle of the night?

Luisa: Yes.

Margaret: Waking up too early?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Are you withdrawing from others?

Luisa: A bit.

Margaret: Okay.

Luisa: So, yes.

Margaret: And no known medical conditions listed?

Luisa: Correct.

Margaret: No known drug allergies?

Luisa: Right.

Margaret: No previous hospitalizations or surgeries?

Luisa: Correct.

Margaret: No previous suicide attempts?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: And the current prescription is just the birth

control pill?

Luisa: Yes.

Margaret: And have you not been to counseling previously?

Luisa: Correct.

Margaret: Has any member of your family been treated for the

following? Bipolar?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Major depression?

Luisa: Technically, no. I don't think so. But my mother

committed suicide.

So

Margaret: Noted. Schizophrenia?

Luisa: Not that I'm

aware of, but I can explain.

Margaret: Substance abuse?

Luisa: No. But my mother did make an attempt at her life by

swallowing a bottle of pills.

Margaret: Noted.

Do you drink alcohol?

Luisa: A few times a week.

Margaret: Do you drink products containing caffeine?

Luisa: I have coffee every day.

Margaret: Do you have any weapons in your home?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Do you smoke?

Luisa: Like tobacco? No.

Margaret: Do you use any types of drugs?

Luisa: Cannabis, every now and then.

Margaret: Have you ever had any legal charges?

Luisa: No.

Margaret: Alright. Moving on to the sources of stress section.

Luisa: Yeah. My favorite.

Margaret: Which asked you to list the

things, events, or problems that are currently creating stress in

your life, including any significant losses or changes.

You wrote down "long story, we'll explain in person."

Luisa: Yeah. So basically

Margaret: No.

Luisa: I got into

Margaret: It's Let's come back to that in a moment.

Luisa: Yeah.

Margaret: The next section asked you what your current

functioning is out of a 100. A 100 meaning that you're coping

the best you ever have. You put 70. Is that still the case?

Luisa: I think so. Didn't really know how

to answer that question.

Margaret: No. I understand.

We're almost done with this. For what are your goals in

counseling, you wrote, "I'm not sure."

Luisa: Yeah. I'm not. I I know that this will be good for me

talking to someone.

Margaret: Mhmm.

Luisa: Like, I know therapy is good. Right? And most of the

time, I feel okay, you know? I do. I'm a generally content

person.

And sometimes I think, why? Am I actually content? Or have I just

fooled myself into thinking I am? But then I sit here

listening to you go through this intake form, and I can't help

but think my problems are small potatoes, you know? There's

people out there with real fucking problems.

Excuse my French.

Margaret: No. It's okay. Quite alright.

Luisa: My mother had real problems. My life has been good.

In so many ways, there's a lot of good. Sorry. I don't know why

I'm getting emotional.

Margaret: This is a safe space.

Luisa: Right. Safe space.

Luisa: So, yeah, I don't exactly know what my goals are for

therapy, except that I'm feeling overwhelmed right now. There's

been a lot of revelations recently, and I don't know how

to feel about all of it.

Margaret: Okay. How about we take a step back and tell me a

bit about yourself and we'll go from there. Okay?

Luisa: Okay. So, as you know, my mother passed away when I was a

baby. I was like one and a half, and I grew up with my aunt and

uncle...

Reina: You've reached Reina. Please leave a message after the

beep. Beep.

Luisa: Yo, girl. Question. Is it possible to say too much to your

therapist? I feel like I might have said too much, but that's

like the point. Right?

I don't know. I might keep looking for a therapist. She

basically suggested that I should take a break from my

mom's tapes. Like, what? Why?

I love listening to my mom talk. It's fine. I'm fine. Anyway, you

got any interest in going to Joshua Tree? Maybe a girls

weekend?

We haven't done a trip in a while. So sorry. I should have

sent this as a voice text. Anyway, love you. Talk to you

later.

You know what? Fuck it.

GPS Navigation: Calculating. Head east. Then turn left onto

Lake Avenue.

Park Ranger: Good morning. Nope. Scratch that. Good afternoon.

Luisa: Good afternoon. A day pass, please.

Park Ranger: Sure thing. Cash or credit?

Luisa: Credit, please.

Park Ranger: Alright. And a map?

Luisa: Yes, please.

Park Ranger: You got it.

First time to Joshua Tree?

Luisa: Yes. Oh, actually, no. I've been one time before when I

was, like, 14, so it's been a while.

Park Ranger: Oh, well, welcome back.

Luisa: Thank you.

Park Ranger: You have a good one.

Luisa: You too.

Wow. Oh. Oh, yeah. Let me pull over here. It does look like the

Flintstones.

Oh, so beautiful.

Mark: Oh, okay. Okay, just just humor me for a second.

Riley: I'm always humoring you, dad.

Liz: This is amazing.

Mark: God. That view is incredible.

Riley: It's so hot.

Liz: We'll be quick.

Wow.

Mark: It's

not that hot.

Riley: It's fucking hot.

Liz: Riley.

Mark: Language, Riley. Gosh. It looks it like we're in the

Flintstones.

Luisa: Yeah.

Mark: Right?

Liz: The Land Before Time.

Luisa: Yeah.

Liz: Right?

Riley: What the fuck are you guys talking about?

Mark: Riley.

Liz: The Land Before Time. Remember? We watched that when

you were little.

Riley: Sounds dumb.

Mark: It's not dumb.

Liz: Would you mind taking a photo of us, please?

Luisa: No. Not at all.

Riley: God, mom. We have enough photos.

Margaret: Not with this masterpiece behind us.

Mark: No such thing as too many photos.

Riley: Jesus Christ. Make it quick because I'm fucking

frying.

Mark: Enough of that.

Liz: Riley Joan.

Mark: Sorry.

Luisa: I'll take a bunch for good measure.

Mark: Thanks.

Luisa: Okay. Smile. And one more and a few more. Okay. And last

one.

Riley: Jesus Christ.

Liz: Thank you so much.

Mark: Yes. Thank you.

Riley: Yeah. Thanks. Can we go now?

Mark: Riley, please.

Liz: That's enough now.

Luisa: Yeah, Riley. Shut the fuck up. Enjoy this. It's

breathtaking.

Also, The Land Before Time is excellent.

Mark: I mean, yeah.

Liz: Mark?

Mark: What?

Liz: Mark.

Luisa: Yabba dabba doo.

Riley: Psycho.

Luisa: Oh, shit... Hey, Simone.

Simone: Luisa, my friend. How are you?

Luisa: I'm I'm well.

Simone: I bet you are. Luisa, I don't know what to say. How did

you do it?

Luisa: Did what exactly?

Simone: Woo Gloria, she loves you.

Luisa: She does?

Simone: I mean, she didn't technically use the word love,

but I heard it in her voice. I'm just over the moon right now.

I'm so glad you two are hitting it off.

Luisa: Me too.

Simone: I can only imagine what juicy stuff is coming up in your

conversation.

Luisa: Oh, it it's been incredible. She's had such an

interesting--

Simone: Yes.

Yes. Listen. I love to start reading pages if you have any

ready. No rush. But how's next week?

No rush.

Luisa: Next week? Mhmm. That that's pretty tight. I'm I'm I'm

just now getting into the thick of things with Gloria.

Simone: How about chapter one by Thursday?

Luisa: Okay. That's doable.

Simone: Fab, I can't wait. Oh, did you watch the docuseries?

Luisa: Yes.

Simone: What did you think?

Luisa: I mean, it was informative.

Simone: Right?

So good. Right.

Luisa: I I'm just

Simone: What?

Luisa: It's hard to believe that that's her. You know? Like, that

everything that happened in that docuseries happened to her. It's

awful.

Simone: Oh, so awful the way he tortured her. I will never look

at linoleum floors the same again. Not that I ever really

see linoleum floors nowadays because they're hideously dated.

But, yeah, how they reenacted that scene, and the music.

Paired with the sound of his footsteps.

I swear I've got the heebie jeebies just thinking about it.

Luisa: I

Luisa: can't imagine living through that.

Simone: Yeah. Gloria is a real trooper. Anywho, I'm so excited

to read chapter one, the first chapter of a bestseller, my

friend.

Luisa: Yep. Bestseller. I'm starting to believe that.

Simone: Oh?

Luisa: Gloria has some of the wildest stories, like funny,

poignant stories, so much more than what she's known for.

Simone: Oh, love that, Luisa. Those stories are exactly what

this memoir needs. Those moments of levity will accentuate just

how gruesome her family's murders were.

Luisa: Sure?

Simone: Listen, I gotta jet to my next meeting. You call me if

you need anything. Okay?

Luisa: Okay.

Simone: Okay.

Luisa: Thanks, Simone.

Simone: Aw. Bye.

Luisa: Bye. Okay. Alright. Chapter one. Fuck.

Reina: Yo, girl. Sorry I missed you. Today has been crazy. I've

been running all over town. Asshole.

Sorry. This jackass in a Dodge Ram just cut me off. Surprise.

Surprise. Also, Jordan's in town, Ronnie's friend.

You remember him? He stayed with us, and I forgot how annoying he

is. Okay. He's not that bad, but bro, like, if you're gonna use a

dish, put it in the dishwasher. It's right there.

You see it? I even have a magnet that indicates that the

dishwasher is currently dirty. So guess what? Put your

currently dirty dishes in there. You're a grown ass man.

Also, stop complaining about LA. Seriously, every time he opens

his mouth, it's some goddamn dig on my city. Shut the fuck up,

Jordan. Only people that live here get to talk shit about LA.

Anyway, I got the cutest out for the house robbing party.

Yes. I got a whole new outfit for it, don't ask questions. I

cannot wait for you

to see it. I'll give you

a hint. It's covered in sequins. End of hint. Also, you're

bringing your man friend. Yes?

I wanna meet him already. Oh, and yes, there's no such thing

as saying too much to your therapist. That is the point.

But, yeah, I don't know. Taking a break from the tapes, that's

up to you.

But a break can't hurt. Right? Therapists are there to listen

and suggest and, you know, therapize. So maybe just take a

minute to think about why she's making that suggestion. Okay.

Now an asshole in the Tesla is testing me. Surprise of the

century. Anyway, I'm just pulling up to the party store.

If you don't hear from me, it's because I've been arrested for

murder. Love you, sissy.

Bye.

Gloria: I spent many years of my life looking for guidance, for

answers. At one point, I even joined a cult.

Luisa: What?

Gloria: Yeah. I joined a cult, but only for a year

and some change.

Luisa: What? Which cult?

Gloria: Oh, you never heard of them. It was a tiny no name cult

in Texas.

Luisa: I

have so many questions. First, how did you wind up in Texas?

Gloria: I hitchhiked.

Luisa: This just keeps getting worse.

Gloria: That ain't even the half of it.

Luisa: Okay. So this was just a few months after?

Gloria: Yeah.

Luisa: And you just up and left?

Gloria: Yeah. Sometimes we make choices that make no sense. You

know, I actually grew up in Long Beach back before the hipsters

arrived with their skate shops and their cold brews. There was

a lot of gang activity, and my daddy wanted us out. My parents

worked so hard to save every single penny they earned so they

could get us out, and they did. They bought us the tiniest house

on the block on this beautiful tree lined street in Pasadena.

I'll never forget how green everything was. The trees, the

grass, the bushes, even the weeds, emerald green. A few days

after we moved in, I decided to walk through our new

neighborhood. And on our stroll, I was suddenly hit with the most

intoxicating scent. I sniffed around trying to find out where

it was coming from, and sure enough, that scent was wafting

off of this gorgeous gardenia bush, which lined the front of

my neighbor's yard.

So I bent down closer to take in this glorious scent, and the

next thing I know, this woman comes running out of the house

screaming, something in Mandarin, I think. And she's

waving her hands at me like she was shooing me away, like I was

some kind of rat in her kitchen. Things didn't look so green

after that.

Luisa: What?

Gloria: I just remembered how I ran home and told my dad about

it.

And he just looked me dead in the eye and said, well, Glory, I

guess next time you won't stop and smell the roses, then burst

out laughing. The man thought he was Richard Pryor, but that's

how my dad was. He could find the humor in everything.

Sherry: Testing one, two, three. Testing. Is this thing

recording? It seems to be doing something. So

Luisa: Why good afternoon, young man.

Trey: Why good afternoon, young lady.

Luisa: To what do I owe the pleasure of your call?

Trey: Well, milady, I was feeling quite famished and was

curious if you'd like to join me for tea.

Luisa: Like boba tea?

Trey: Oh, no. I meant dinner. I think that's what the British

call dinner.

Luisa: Oh, dinner tea.

Trey: I think so.

Luisa: Well, I'd love to join you for dinner tea, but I have

to get chapter one done on the memoir. They, like, want me to

do the job they paid me to do.

Trey: What? That's silly.

Luisa: Mhmm.

What is really silly is the amount of notes I've taken that,

now looking at them, I can barely decipher.

Trey: I'm sure they'll come back to you.

Luisa: Doubt it. So what are you getting for dinner?

Trey: Well, I was thinking about KBBQ.

Luisa: Oh, Korean barbecue.

Trey: Yes, ma'am.

Luisa: Well, now I want Korean barbecue.

Trey: I could come pick you up. We can make it quick.

Luisa: There's nothing quick about Korean barbecue.

Trey: We can do our best.

Luisa: I

really should stay in.

Trey: Or you should go to Korean barbecue with me and fuel up for

your long night of writing.

Luisa: Yes. That's totally logical. Okay. I can go out, but

I have to be home by eight.

Trey: Okay. Ay ay, captain. See you soon.

Luisa: Ay. See you soon. Oh, shit. Where is my fancy paper?

Fancy paper. Oh, found you. Okay.

Kimchi, banchan, bulgogi.

Trey: Look how smitten and nervous they are. That is

definitely a first date.

Luisa: Korean barbecue for a first date? Hashtag impressed.

Do the kids still use hashtags?

Trey: Not sure the kids ever used hashtags.

Luisa: Okay. It's their first date, but they've known each

other before.

Trey: Mhmm. They, like, met in school, but they're hanging out

one on one for the first time.

Luisa: Uh-huh. And their friends have shipped them for a while,

but they're only just now getting brave enough to test the

waters.

Trey: Because they have such a great friendship. Why risk it?

Luisa: Exactly. Oh, they're so cute. I can't stand it. Sorry.

Is this annoying?

Trey: The people watching?

Luisa: Yeah.

Trey: No.

Luisa: Good. Because I love people watching.

Trey: Same.

Luisa: I also love love, so when I people watch, I hope that I'm

witnessing people fall in love.

Trey: That's a bit strange.

Luisa: I know.

Trey: But I dig it.

Luisa: Alright. Play it cool. Behind you, your 04:00? What is

up with that couple? I said play it cool.

Trey: What? That was cool.

Luisa: You straight up turned around and looked dead at them.

Trey: No. I I looked past them. Besides, they didn't even see me

looking because they were busy looking at their phones.

Luisa: Mm-mm.

Mm-mm. You cannot go to KBBQ and be on your phone. You gotta keep

your head

in the game.

Trey: You gotta stay focused.

Luisa: Or else you're gonna burn that perfectly good brisket.

Trey: Not the brisket.

Luisa: Okay. They're married? I see rings.

Trey: Oh.

Luisa: Married, looking at phones, and letting the meat

burn.

Trey: They're doomed.

Luisa: What's the point of being in romantic relationship if

there's no romance?

Trey: Got me.

Luisa: How does it go from cute little first date over here to

that? Is that what happens when you get married? All the romance

dies?

Trey: Well, I can't speak for all married folks, but things

did change for me, for for us, when I got married. I'm

divorced.

Luisa: Oh.

Trey: It's been a few years. I hope that doesn't bother you.

Luisa: No.

Trey: It's just, some women I've dated didn't like learning that.

Luisa: Well, if it makes you feel any better. I've never been

married. So what does that say about me?

Trey: That you've made good choices with your life.

Luisa: Maybe. The bulgogi is almost ready.

Trey: Yum. This place is great.

Luisa: Yeah. It's my fave. Seriously, though, I certainly

don't judge you for being divorced. I was in a nine year

long relationship, and we didn't get married. But in a lot of

ways, it felt like a marriage.

Trey: I bet. May I ask why it didn't work out?

Luisa: Yeah. I guess the long story short is I wanted more.

How about you?

Trey: Oh, I wanted peace. She wanted turmoil. Sorry. I'm not

trying to, like, speak ill. It's we could just never be still

with each other.

Luisa: That's tough. Bulgogi?

Trey: Yeah. Thanks.

Now I'm going to expect that every time you serve me any food

ever.

Luisa: It's a little something I picked up from my uncle.

Trey: Oh, he sounds like a rad guy.

Luisa: Yeah. He is. How'd you get into Korean barbecue?

Trey: My coworker. He brought us all the KBBQ once, and I was

hooked ever since. What about you?

Luisa: My friend in middle school introduced me. Her family

would take us all out for KBBQ. She was Korean.

Trey: Oh, was?

Luisa: Sorry. Is Korean. Didn't mean to make it sound like she

died or something. But then again, I haven't talked to her

in years. So I do sometimes wonder what she's been up to.

Trey: Were you close?

Luisa: Yeah. I don't know. Looking back, it's dumb. One

night, she came over, and we were watching some, like, WWF or

whatever it was called because she loved that stuff, and she

loved The Rock in particular. And, you know, sometimes she'd

get riled up and wanna pretend to fight.

Anyway, we're just playing around, but the next thing I

know, my aunt walks in, and Jae's got me in a headlock. And,

of course, I'm screaming, but, like, in a playful way. But my

aunt saw this and freaked out, which is pretty hypocritical now

that I think about it. Sorry. That's another story for another

time.

But, yeah, my aunt forbid me from seeing Jae. So we stopped

talking. And then her family moved, and she went off to a

different high school, and I never saw her again.

Trey: You ever tried looking her up on social media

or anything?

Luisa: Yeah. Years ago, but had no luck. Her name is pretty

common. Sorry.

Trey: You need to take that?

Luisa: It's just my uncle. The one with the whistle, actually.

Trey: Crazy timing. The kimchi is outstanding.

Luisa: Oh, that reminds me. I have a surprise for you.

Trey: Oh. Okay.

Luisa: Close your eyes.

Trey: Oh.

Luisa: Open your hand.

Trey: Okay.

Luisa: Okay. And open.

Trey: Is this what I think it is?

Luisa: Maybe.

Trey: "Spicy is the kimchi. Tasty is the galbi. Bulgogi with

me to a housewarming party?"

Luisa: I know. I've pierced your soul with my words.

Trey: My soul is wounded. Is this an actual invitation to a

housewarming party?

Luisa: My best friend Reina and her partner bought a house, and

they wanna celebrate. So it's next Saturday if you're free.

Trey: Oh, shit.

Luisa: What?

Trey: I would love to. I'm actually heading out of town

next weekend to Munich for work.

Luisa: Well,

Luisa: bummer, but also that's amazing. I love Munich.

Trey: You've been?

Luisa: One time, but it's been years.

Trey: I actually get to go to Germany quite a bit because of

the job. We have an office there.

Luisa: Shoot. Cool.

Trey: Cool. Maybe next time you could join?

Luisa: Uh, ich liebe... das?

Trey: And you're fluent in German.

Luisa: I'm a real catch, Trey. How long will you be away?

Trey: Just a week.

Luisa: Well, I'll miss you.

Trey: I'll miss you too. Also, I just have to say, I know that

you're working on that memoir, and that's gonna be great or

whatever, but this poem, this is your Sistine Chapel.

Luisa: I know.

Trey: Don't talk to me like that. You're just jealous. I got

the cherry blow pop.

Luisa: I'm not because I got the watermelon.

Trey: You're jealous. You got your PhD.

Luisa: What?

Trey: What?

Do you think he snaked me?

Because they hate me. Or he got his PhD, player haters degree.

Luisa: What?

Trey: Mace, nineties? Can't nobody hold me down?

[singing] Can't nobody take my pride.

Luisa: [singing] Can't nobody hold me down.

Trey: You got it.

Luisa: Oh, no. I got to

Keep on moving. Wait. Isn't that song Diddy? We can't sing Diddy.

Right?

Trey: Come here.

Luisa: Oh.

Trey: Do you

Luisa: Oh, it's okay. I really gotta go home. Yeah.

Trey: I know.

Luisa: Okay. What's happening? Oh, shit.

Trey: What?

Luisa: It's my uncle again. He doesn't normally... I'm I'm

gonna answer.

Trey: Yeah.

Luisa: Uncle?

Jim: Luisa, don't freak out, but I'm at the hospital.

Luisa: What? Why? What hospital?

Jim: Huntington. Something's

happened with auntie.

Luisa: What?

Jim: Okay. Don't worry. Everything's fine. She had a

seizure.

Luisa: A seizure? That that's not fine. Okay. I'm I'm coming.

Sorry.

Can you take me home right now? I have to get my car.

Trey: Yeah. Yeah. Sure.

Jim: They're about to take her in for an MRI.

Luisa: An MRI? Wait. What happened?

Jim: We were closing up the shop. I went into the back room

for a moment. I come back, and she's on the ground. And

Luisa: Okay. Uncle, it's okay. I'm coming. Actually, sorry. Can

you drive me directly to the hospital?

Trey: Yeah. Of course. Yeah.

Luisa: I'm on my way right now. Okay?

Jim: I don't know what happened. It was so quick.

Luisa: Here. Coffee.

Jim: Mhmm. Thanks.

This coffee stinks.

Luisa: Yeah. It's pretty freaking terrible. How long does

the MRI take?

Jim: Well, she's got one patient in front of her, so they said it

could be an hour or so.

Luisa: God.

Jim: I told them she doesn't like enclosed spaces, so she'll

be sedated for the MRI. A blessing for everyone involved.

Yep.

So who dropped you off?

Luisa: Oh, a guy. Trey. He's someone I've been seeing.

Jim: Oh, well, first time I'm hearing about this tray.

Luisa: I've been taking my time.

Jim: I understand. I know we embarrass you.

Luisa: That's not true.

Jim: No.

Luisa: You know I don't think that.

Jim: Yeah. I know. Remember that goober you dated in high school?

Luisa: Oh, god.

Jim: What

was his name?

Oh, Pauly.

Luisa: Yeah. Why are you bringing him up?

Jim: I couldn't stand that kid.

Luisa: I remember.

Jim: Oh, you know why I couldn't stand him?

Luisa: Because he had long hair.

Jim: No. Well, yes. But but no. I couldn't stand him because

whenever he was around you, he was cool as a cucumber.

Luisa: And that's bad because?

Jim: Because anyone dating my girl should be buzzing and

anxious. Buzzing with pride, anxious to see you again.

Luisa: Is that how you were with auntie?

Jim: Oh, yeah. We met. I haven't been without her since. Luisa,

about your mother and your father, I wanna give you

answers. I do.

But you see, that time was awful. I don't like thinking

about it so much so that I think my mind has blocked out a lot of

the things from that time, you know, but not everything. Luisa,

your mom was a special woman. I I really cared for her, and I

wish you could have known her. I'm sorry that you didn't get

the chance to.

I still remember some of the things she would say. She'd say

these things that would just catch you off guard, and she

made me laugh. I I I always looked forward to talking to

her. So when she passed, I was heartbroken. But no one suffered

like your aunt.

Ya know, me and auntie would watch you while your mom was at

work or school. Your mom would drop you off. And we'd play

house for a few hours. We were trying to have kids, but that

wasn't in the cards for us. When your mother passed, I never

heard anyone cry the way your aunt did.

I swear. She got into bed, didn't come out for a month. And

I became a parent overnight. It was just me and you, kid. I

learned how to make bottles, change diapers, assemble tiny

outfits, buckle you up in a stroller.

We were attached at the hip. I'd bring you to the shop with me,

and I swear every time the door would ding, you'd look over as

if you were expecting your mother. You were just this tiny

thing, but you knew. I could see that you knew. And then one day,

your father showed up to the shop.

I had no idea who he was when he walked in, but well, he claimed

he was your father, and he was asking where your mother was.

And I swear to God, if you weren't there in your playpen, I

think I would have killed the prick. I mean, months had gone

by since your mom... and he had no idea. You deserved better. So

I told him to fuck off.

Fuck off. Never come back. And that was that. Maybe that

wasn't the right thing to do, but it's what I did.

Luisa: Let's see what we got here. Yes. Flaming Hot Cheetos.

Oh, what? No, oh. Oh, no.

No. Come on. Oh, goddamn it. Stupid fucking machine. Give me

my fucking Cheetos.

Fuck.

Nurse: She'll be a bit groggy for a few hours. Just make sure

she takes the anti seizure meds, and that should keep everything

in check until we get the results from the MRI.

Jim: Okay.

Nurse: We'll call

you as soon as we have them.

Luisa: Alright.

Jim: Thanks.

Luisa: Yes. Thank you so much for taking good care of her.

Nurse: Of course.

Luisa: Hey, auntie. How you doing? You ready to go home?

Patti: Yes.

Jim: There she is. I'll go pull the car around.

Luisa: Here.

Wanna sit up?

Patti: Mhmm.

Luisa: It's okay. I'm just gonna put this code on you while uncle

gets the coat. Okay.

One arm in here and the other arm. There we go.

Patti: Sherry. Sherry?

Luisa: No.

Auntie. It's Lulu.

Patti: Oh.

Luisa: Remember me? Your delightful niece.

Patti: Sherry.

Luisa: What? Auntie, what did you just say? Home? Is that are

you saying home?

Yeah. Yeah. We're going home.

Debra: Hey, Luisa. It's Deb. I am sitting here reading your

manuscript, and I had to pull myself away so that I could call

you and tell you, bravo. This is beautifully done. And wow,

informative too.

I am horribly uneducated about Los Angeles, I'm finding. But

yeah. You should be proud. Very, very proud. I I can't wait to

see this thing published already.

Come on, Hunter. What are you waiting for? Okay. Well, that's

all. Let's go grab, I don't know, boba tea sometime.

Talk soon.

Sherry: Testing. One, two, three. Testing? Is this thing

recording? It seems to be doing something.

So Alright. Well, this is me, Sherry Zhang. Okay. You don't

need to introduce yourself, dummy. Today is January... no.

February? Probably should have bought myself a calendar instead

of a cassette recorder. Whatever. It's fine. Anyway, I'm

going to use these tapes to, I don't know, talk about things on

my mind and stuff.

Dr. Shanti said the other day that it's good to journal and to

give yourself an opportunity to reflect. And, yeah, that's what

I wanna do with all of this. So what's happening with me? Oh,

Chinese New Year is coming up. It's the Year of the Snake.

I have no idea what the hell that means. I know that I'm a

rat, like, in the Chinese zodiac. I once read that a rat

hardly ever makes lasting friendships and, boy, that

explains everything. Babalu's dragon, of course. She already

breathes fire.

I think I'm more of an elephant, but there is an elephant in the

Chinese zodiac. They've got dogs and cocks, but no elephants.

Nuts. Yeah. I think I'm an elephant.

I'm slow or should I say measured. I have a good memory,

like, annoyingly good memory, and I love to eat grass. I do

actually like grass, just not eating it. God. I can't believe

it's 1989, and it's already fucking February.

Pardon my French. Okay. That was dumb. It's just me. Who am I

offending?

So this is weird. Just talking to myself. Let's see. Oh, the

other day, my neighbor called me a chink. Fucking Lenny.

I know I should be offended, but I guess I forget that that's

what I am. That that's how people see me, as some little

China girl. Fucking Lenny, laughing his stupid head off.

Well,

Lenny, you've got a small dick. How about that? Maybe not the

most clever comeback, but that shut him up. It's true. Don't

walk around naked with your curtains open if you don't want

people to see your Vienna sausage, Leonard.

[singing] Little China girl...

When I was maybe 10, my mom and I were at the mall, and we were

just getting him the car to leave. And she's pulling out and

some guy drove by and yelled out, "goddamn chink." And she

looked at me and said, chink? What's that? So I told her, and

she said, oh, he must have been talking to you.

She was funny like that. God, I really do need to move. Can't

have Babalu growing up next to fucking weirdos. Maybe the year

of the snake will be my year. I just want it to be better than

the last.

That's all this little rat asks for. I guess that makes no sense

though. Why would a snake be good to a rat? Whatever. It's

all bullshit.

End Credits: Babalu was created, written, and produced by me,

Kimberly Truong. Directed by Katharine Chen Lerner. Sound

design, editing, and mixing by Charles Moody. With performances

by Christine Liao, Kathleen Gray, Ruby Marez, Lee Chen,

Varda Appleton, Chriselle Almeida, Jaxy Boyd, Greg Smith,

Circus Szalewski, Melissa Bickerton, Kiera Nusbaum,

Matthew Kimbrough, Katharine Chen Lerner, Stephanie Orlando,

and Kimberly Truong. Theme music by Edith Mudge.

Additional music by Manish Ayachit and James Donahower.

Studio recording by Parker Silzer and David Stern. Artwork

by Gabi Hawkins. Logo by Alex Bruno. A very special thank you

to Liesl Lafferty and the Firecracker Department.

Mari Meyer, Peter Byrnes, Victoria LaVilla, Brandon

Beardsley, Hillary and the boys, Katie McCuen, and our incredible

Kickstarter backers. Babalu is a production of Uneasy Tiger. For

more info or to support this series, follow at Uneasy Tiger

on Instagram or TikTok or visit uneasytiger.com If you or

someone you know

is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please dial 988 or

visit 988lifeline.org for resources and support.