Babalu - Episode 102: Opportunity

BABALU — EPISODE 102: OPPORTUNITY

NARRATOR: The following series addresses sensitive topics including self harm and suicide. Listener discretion is advised.

TIGER OPENING: Uneasy Tiger.

SHERRY: Well, hello, Babalu.

BABY LUISA: [baby cries]

SHERRY: Did mama wake you? I'm so sorry. Mama was just gonna record herself real quick. Is that okay? No? Oh, well, I'll be quick. I promise. You can go back to sleep if you want. You are so tired. You fell asleep right in mama's arms. Yeah. You did. Mama's gonna bring you to Auntie Patti's in a bit. Mama's gotta work tonight. Okay? Yeah. I know. Working is silly. To think we're these complex creatures who spend most of our lives waking up, going to work, and then going back to sleep with some random activities in between. If we're lucky, it's lunatic. I was able to grab another shift from Angela. She's a thorn in my ass sometimes, but she's good doobie. Oh, Angela, poor thing. She keeps trying to get me to hang out with her after work, but I just keep blowing her off. I don't know why. She's nice and all. But also, why does she wanna hang out with me? She does seem to always laugh at my sarcastic remarks. I guess she thinks I'm funny or something. I mean, it's easy to be a wisecrack where we work. Every asshole that comes into our bar is a joke. Or maybe she's laughing at me. No. I'm funny. Oh, yeah. You think mama's funny, Yeah. You do. Angela's got her shit together, though. She's 20, working at this shitty bar so she can pay her way through college, wants to be a doctor, an obstetrician. God, 20 years old and she already knows what she wants, To go to medical school and become a doctor and spend the rest of her life waking up, inspecting vaginas and delivering babies, then going to sleep. Meanwhile, I'm over here going on 30, no clue what I'm doing. I do really like the psychology class. Maybe I could do that, become a psychologist, wake up, psychoanalyze some folks, go to sleep. Don't worry. Mom will make time for you too. What else other than spinning my wheels? Oh, I have a job interview on Thursday with some bank. Bank of bank of bank of money, cash of the world, known universe. I I don't know. Some big wig bank. Patti knew someone who knew someone, and I guess they felt bad enough about Patti's sad little sister that they decided to give me an interview. Imagine me, Babalu, wearing a pantsuit, making recommendations for personal lines of credits and certificates of deposits. I guess it's not that far fetched. Grandpa taught me a thing or two about business. So, yeah, I guess I'll put on my best face, do the song and dance. I doubt anything will come from it. Never does. Companies don't want someone with just a high school diploma. Yeah. God forbid, you have actual work experience. I guess it would be nice to have a job where I didn't have to pander to idiots or at least drunk idiots. And it'd be nice to have a pension or something. Could be a good opportunity. Who knows? Maybe they'll take pity on little me. What was that? Babalu, did you hear that? Or is mama losing her marbles? Yeah. What was I talking about? Oh, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm just settling for what's in front of me. Just letting life happen to me. Goddamn Angela. 20 years old, brat. Maybe that's why I don't wanna hang out with her. That's not true. I don't really wanna hang out with anyone except my Babalu. And Deb. I like hanging with Deb. It's not easy to coerce me into friendship, so I must like her. Why am I such a bitch? Uh-oh. Mommy said a bad word. Yeah. Mommy said a bad word. Mama's a little bad sometimes. Is that okay, Babalu? Can you ever forgive mama? God, you're so stinking smart. You know that? It's okay. I'll remind you. Do you like hanging out with your mama? No? Well, you're stuck with me. That's not so bad. Right? Yeah. I'm not so bad.

SHERRY: [humming] That I'm in love with you... You-uuu, soft and lonely. You-uuu, lost and lonely...

DYLAN: And seeing the Earth from that vantage point is pretty sick. There really is nothing else like it. You you ever went skydiving?

LUISA: No.

DYLAN: Do you want to?

LUISA: No. I'm scared of heights and falling to my death.

DYLAN: I get it. It's not for everyone, but I promise if we went skydiving, you'd be in good hands.

LUISA: I would hope so.

DYLAN: What are your thoughts on crypto?

LUISA: Cryptocurrency?

DYLAN: Yeah.

LUISA: People still do that?

DYLAN: Oh, yeah.

LUISA: I can't say I know much about it.

DYLAN: I'll teach you if you wanna learn.

LUISA: Oh, I don't know. That seems like one of those things that I'd be more interested in if I, like, had disposable income.

DYLAN: I mean, you could start with just a few bucks.

LUISA: Oh, just a few bucks? I'm not sure I can swing that. I'm kidding, mostly.

DYLAN: I got you. What hobbies do you have?

LUISA: I do enjoy indoor bouldering, emphasis on indoor because as you know, I'm scared of heights and dying.

DYLAN: That's cool.

LUISA: Yep. Do you have any guilty pleasures?

DYLAN: No such thing. If it gives me pleasure, what's there to feel guilty about?

LUISA: Not sure I agree with that logic. Well, my guilty pleasure is this paranormal romance series. It's like way over the top, like werewolves and vampires and like witches. But it's like the right amount of insanity, but also like kind of raunchy, but not too raunchy.

DYLAN: So it's like you're reading porn?

LUISA: I guess if you look at it that way.

DYLAN: Oh, you're reading about people having sex? So yeah.

LUISA: Sure. Hence, the guilt and guilty pleasure. But I'm not a total perv. I do very much appreciate the romance aspect of romance novels. I mean, I love reading in general. I'm actually a pursuing novelist, not of dirty pornographic books, unfortunately.

DYLAN: What do you write?

LUISA: Creative non fiction.

DYLAN: Nice. Like what?

LUISA: Well, I just finished a manuscript about this Chinese immigrant who basically turned the San Gabriel Valley into this, like, Asian American haven.

DYLAN: Oh, you should write a book about CZ.

LUISA: CZ?

DYLAN: Changpeng Zhao, founder of Binance. He's huge in the world of crypto. In fact, he's in deep shit with the feds. I'm surprised you don't know him.

LUISA: I'd be surprised if I did.

DYLAN: Now that's a book I'd read.

LUISA: I'm sure someone's writing it.

DYLAN: Shit I hope so. Or someone should turn his story into a movie. You write movies?

LUISA: No.

DYLAN: Oh, maybe you should.

LUISA: Maybe.

LEON: Hey, Luisa. It's Leon. I have another assignment if you want it. I'm looking for a piece. Something along the lines of 'top 10 signs your man is a real ally' or something. Of course, we'll need you to pepper in some call to actions that point to an online t shirt company. They make really dope woke themed shirts for men. Anyway, should be a fun piece if you want it. Let me know by Friday. Bye.

REINA: Okay. This is my take on shrimp etouffee. Oh. Part Cajun, part Latin. There's a butter garlic roux with a hint of

LUISA: Reina, stop selling. I'm sold.

REINA: Be honest.

LUISA: It's amazing.

REINA: You really think so?

LUISA: Yes.

REINA: I'm presenting this dish to the chef tomorrow, and if you let me make a fool of myself, I

LUISA: You do that all by yourself.

REINA: It's true.

LUISA: But seriously, girl, you got this on lock.

REINA: Yeah?

LUISA: Yes. Yes. A thousand times. Yes. Now I don't suppose that there's a good wine that this dish could be paired with.

REINA: Are you now asking me for free booze?

LUISA: I feel like a thoughtful chef would have planned a perfectly paired glass of wine to go with this dish. Just saying. Also, you're drinking.

REINA: I'm working. That's for table 10.

LUISA: No.

REINA: What?

LUISA: Nothing. Just this guy.

REINA: Oh, a date?

LUISA: Yeah. But don't get excited.

REINA: What's his name?

LUISA: Doesn't matter.

REINA: That bad?

LUISA: No. It wasn't bad. It was just alright.

REINA: So you're not gonna see him again?

LUISA: Nope.

REINA: Lu, when was the last time you went on a second date?

LUISA: Give me a glass of wine, and I'll tell you. Listen. He's a nice guy, but it would never work.

REINA: How do you know that?

LUISA: Because there wasn't any fun back and forth.

REINA: Back and forth?

LUISA: You know, a banter. I need banter. Also, he didn't laugh once at a single thing I had to say.

REINA: Maybe what you had to say wasn't funny.

LUISA: Girl, I'm funny.

REINA: Yeah. You are. That needs dressing.

LUISA: He didn't even crack a smile. And to make matters worse, he didn't make me laugh.

REINA: Oh, that's no good. Ronnie has to make me belly laugh at least once a day or it's over.

LUISA: Exactly. So no. I'm not gonna see him again.

REINA: Lu, sometimes first dates suck. People get nervous.

LUISA: Rei, I know you don't want me to die alone, and I don't want that either. But I already spent many years in a relationship where I was settling for what was in front of me, and I don't wanna do that again. I know. You know, I see you and Ronnie together, and I think, damn. What they have is so right. You two are so right for each other. I want my right person.

REINA: I want that for you too. I'm just saying, could it be you cut things off before you even have a chance to get to know the guy. Okay?

LUISA: No.

REINA: Get to know the guy. Okay?

LUISA: Please, can we talk about something more interesting?

REINA: Like?

LUISA: Like, I started listening to my mom's tapes.

REINA: Oh my god. Yes. And?

LUISA: It's surreal. In a good way. It's, I don't know. It's hard to believe that I'm listening to my mother. You know?

REINA: What's she like?

LUISA: She's thoughtful, observant, funny, like, dry, sarcastic funny.

REINA: Oh, now I know where you got that from.

LUISA: Yeah. She's really cool. And this is crazy, but you can hear me as a baby on these tapes.

REINA: Oh, right. Babalu...

LUISA: She really did call me that.

REINA: So are you, like, binging all of the tapes?

LUISA: No. No. Not quite. I mean, I could easily see myself doing that, but the tapes are kind of a mess. None of them are labeled. Some are empty. Sometimes she just forgets to stop recording, so a lot of the audio is just her wandering off and doing stuff around the house, which I also like listening to.

REINA: It's like you're seeing into the past.

LUISA: Yeah. Yeah. I just wanna cherish this because I know it won't last.

REINA: Oh, does she sound, you you know, like Mhmm. You know what? No. I'm sorry.

LUISA: Yeah. No. I, um she sounds okay. For the most part, it's... look. I know it's not that simple. Right?

REINA: Yeah. Do you know when these tapes were recorded? Like, how close to...?

LUISA: No. I mean, she died that October '89, I know she met Debra in that psychology class earlier that year. So it's, like, all around that time.

REINA: Right.

LUISA: Which is another reason why I'm trying to take things slow. You know?

REINA: Right.

LUISA: I just like hearing her talk, hearing her think out loud. It's wild. I spent all these years imagining what she was like. You know that one picture I have of her and I, where I'm in that, like, polka dot outfit?

REINA: Aw. And she looks like she's whispering into your cute little baby ear?

LUISA: Yeah. That photo was all I had of her. Because, you know, my aunt and uncle could never bring themselves to talk about her. So that was it. That photo. Nothing else. I still don't know if my mom left a note.

REINA: What does Patti think about all this?

LUISA: I haven't told her.

REINA: Oh.

LUISA: I just wanna experience this on my own for now.

REINA: Yeah. That's probably for the best.

LUISA: You know what's weird? My aunt claims that she doesn't remember Debra.

REINA: I don't remember people I met last week. So...

LUISA: I know. Yeah. I I get that. But it it was thirty years ago, but you'd think she'd kinda remember Debra. Right? They cleaned up my mom's apartment together.

REINA: Well, that's what Debra told you.

LUISA: You think she's lying?

REINA: Not necessarily. I'm just saying you don't know her.

LUISA: Yeah. True.

REINA: Oh, did you hear about that woman who got killed by this nut job lady who claimed to be her long lost mother?

LUISA: The hell?

REINA: Yeah. It's like Netflix's biggest true crime series right now.

LUISA: You know I don't watch that shit.

REINA: I'm just saying people are psycho, so be on guard. I don't need my best friend winding up as a subject of a true crime series.

LUISA: You know that is my literal nightmare.

REINA: Mine too.

LUISA: Great. We're on the same page. So you're gonna get me a glass of wine or what?

REINA: Red, orange, or white?

LUISA: I don't know. You're the chef. Shouldn't you tell me?

REINA: Technically, I'm the sous chef.

LUISA: With that attitude, you're going to stay the sous chef.

REINA: Well, you are absolutely getting that true crime series because I'm going to kill you.

LUISA: Damn. That's a good plot twist.

REINA: Oh, how's your September looking?

LUISA: So you can plan when you're gonna kill me?

REINA: Ronnie and I are finally getting around to the housewarming party. And I need you there.

LUISA: Oh, don't murder me in your new home.

REINA: It's the perfect place to hide your body. No one would ever suspect me.

LUISA: You watch too much true crime.

REINA: It's educational programming.

LUISA: Apparently.

REINA: I'm getting you a sav blanc.

LUISA: It better not be poisoned.

REINA: No promises.

LUISA: Fair.

GREG VOICEMAIL MESSAGE: Hi. This is Greg Steiner with Laurie Publishing. I'm currently away from my desk, but please leave your name and number, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

LUISA: Hey, Greg. This is Luisa Zhang Hillman. I'm following up to see if you had a chance to read my manuscript, the one about Frederic Hsieh. If so, I'd love to chat with you and get your thoughts. Otherwise, I hope you're having a great week. Thanks.

SHERRY: I had my interview today, and I don't know. I think I actually feel good about it. So good that I think I may actually have a shot. I interviewed with the branch manager, Gary. Gary. Terrible name. Anyway, I interviewed with Gary and, you know, he's your run of the mill business banking professional man. Whatever. He seems fine enough, but he was throwing these questions at me, and I was just hitting them out of the park. Every single one. At one point, it felt like I was having an out of body experience. I suddenly became conscious of how well the interview was going. It's as if I was watching myself be this confident, competent, and dare I say, charming person. Someone I don't recognize and she was in control. She was me. Must have been a fluke. Debra said that I have to start being kinder to myself because I'm an incredible human or some shit. And that I have to start celebrating my wins no matter how small I think they are. I don't know. It's hard to celebrate wins when you constantly feel like a loser. Good old Gary said, sky's the limit here at Bankers West. Work hard, and you'll be moving up the ladder in no time. No. It's not exactly what I had in mind. But fuck. Have I ever had anything in mind? This job could be a good opportunity. Who knows? Maybe that confident, competent, charming woman really is me. A new me who's finally gonna take control once and for all.

TREY: Excuse me? Oh. Sorry. I think you left this behind when you were checking out, maybe?

LUISA: Oh, shoot. My mangoes. Thank you.

TREY: The yellow kind too.

LUISA: The best kind.

TREY: Not gonna lie. I was pretty tempted to steal them.

LUISA: Oh, or you could have just, you know, purchased some at this very Sprouts we stand before?

TREY: Oh, I did.

LUISA: Greed knows no bounds.

TREY: I I want to be better.

LUISA: Well, thank you for not stealing my mangoes because that would have made me very sad. And you, a criminal.

TREY: Yeah. And I do not need another mango larceny on my record.

LUISA: Repeat offender, I see.

TREY: Nah. I'm not about that life anymore. And after much reflection, I realized I was just hurting other mango lovers, if that's what they're called.

LUISA: I'm glad you're on the straight and narrow.

TREY: Oh, thank you for your support.

LUISA: You know, if only the world was made up of more mango lovers, not mango fighters.

TREY: Wow. I hope I live long enough to see the day.

LUISA: Yeah.

TREY: Okay. Yeah. This has been this has been fun, unusually fun for a for a Sprouts parking lot.

LUISA: It it sure has.

TREY: Oh, sorry. It was nice meeting you. What what sorry. What was your name?

LUISA: Luisa.

TREY: Okay. Nice meeting you, Luisa. I'm Trey, by the way.

LUISA: Well, nice meeting you, "by the way, Trey."

TREY: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Have a good night.

LUISA: You too. Hey, by the way, Trey.

TREY: Yeah.

LUISA: There's a tiki bar that does this really good fiery mango pina colada if you ever wanna check it out.

TREY: Yeah?

LUISA: Maybe we could have a mango lovers meetup there?

TREY: Yeah? Yeah. Yep. Mhmm.

LUISA: Okay.

YOUNGER DEBRA: Yes. It's recording.

SHERRY: What should I say? Anything. Just talk. About what? Anything. Your day, what you did, what you're thinking, anything.

YOUNGER DEBRA: Alright. Let's see. My mind's gone blank. Sher, help me out.

SHERRY: Well, you went to pick us up some burgers. Yeah?

YOUNGER DEBRA: Yes. Yes. I went to pick us up some burgers.

SHERRY: From In N Out.

YOUNGER DEBRA: From In N Out because Sher had a craving.

SHERRY: Massive craving. You know, sometimes you just need a goddamn burger.

YOUNGER DEBRA: And fries. And a shake.

SHERRY: We're not having In N Out without fries and a shake.

YOUNGER DEBRA: It's fuel for our long study session.

SHERRY: Kill me.

YOUNGER DEBRA: What are you worried about? You always ace your tests.

SHERRY: Ace is an exaggeration. It's not if you keep getting A's. I don't always get A's.

YOUNGER DEBRA: [whispering] Sherry Zhang is a brainiac.

SHERRY: Did you say something?

YOUNGER DEBRA: Nope. Just looking through my notes. Okay. According to Freud's personality theory, the psyche is structured into three parts...?

SHERRY: The id...

YOUNGER DEBRA: Mhmm.

SHERRY: Ego, and superego.

YOUNGER DEBRA: Correct.

SHERRY: Give me something harder.

YOUNGER DEBRA: Alrighty. Freud theorized that the id operates on the blank, that every unconscious wishful impulse should be satisfied immediately regardless of the consequences.

SHERRY: [singing] the pleasure principle... Oh, oh, ohhh!

YOUNGER DEBRA: Correct. Brainiac.

SHERRY: You're the brainiac.

YOUNGER DEBRA: Oh, sure.

SHERRY: Speaking of pleasure, coffee's ready. Yikes.

YOUNGER DEBRA: What?

SHERRY: Coffee might be too strong.

YOUNGER DEBRA: No such thing.

SHERRY: Black. Yeah?

YOUNGER DEBRA: Please.

SHERRY: Tell me if it's too strong.

YOUNGER DEBRA: Don't be silly. Yes. Just what the doctor ordered.

SHERRY: Your doctor must be a quack.

YOUNGER DEBRA: Sher, the coffee is great.

SHERRY: It's fine at best.

YOUNGER DEBRA: Does this coffee have caffeine in it?

SHERRY: It sure as hell ain't decaf, Deb.

YOUNGER DEBRA: And that's what I call a great cup of coffee.

SHERRY: Can't argue with that logic.

YOUNGER DEBRA: Alright. Let's get studying, wise ass.

SHERRY: Right on.

YOUNGER DEBRA: Oh, should I turn this thing off?

SHERRY: Ugh. Yes. I always forget. Say goodnight, Deb.

YOUNGER DEBRA: Goodnight, Deb.

SHERRY: Now who's the wise ass?

DEBRA'S AUTOMATED VOICEMAIL: This is Debra. Please leave a message after the beep, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

LUISA: Hey, Debra. It's Luisa. I'm just calling to let you know that your insurance has reached out, and they've been really helpful. So thank you for that. Also, I started listening to the tapes, and, well, thank you. Thank you for keeping them this whole time. Anyway, sorry for the long voicemail. Do people even listen to voicemail anymore? Well, I guess I hope you do. And I hope that you're doing well and that we can stay in touch. Thanks again.

GREG VOICEMAIL MESSAGE: Hey, Luisa. Greg here. Finally circling back. I did read your manuscript, and honestly, I thought it was pretty great. Unfortunately, I don't think it's a fit for Laurie Publishing at the moment, but I encourage you to reach out in the future with any new work. I'd be happy to read it.

LUISA: Why... Why the hell is there always a line? Is this the line for the drive thru? Oh, come. Yes. Okay. You know what? Fuck this. I'm going inside.

IN N OUT EMPLOYEE: And your order number is 54. Thank you. Have a nice day. Hi, miss. I can help you.

LUISA: Hi. Yes. Can I do a number

ANGRY CUSTOMER: Excuse me? Where's my order?

LUISA: Okay. Sure. Just cut in front of me.

ANGRY CUSTOMER: I've been waiting forever.

IN N OUT EMPLOYEE: What what's your order number, sir?

ANGRY CUSTOMER: 43.

ANOTHER EMPLOYEE: That's number 48.

IN N OUT EMPLOYEE: Do you have your receipt?

ANGRY CUSTOMER: Why? I gave you my number.

ANOTHER EMPLOYEE: 48!

IN N OUT EMPLOYEE: I just wanted to check the order number on your receipt, sir.

ANGRY CUSTOMER: Why the fuck? Shit!

ANOTHER EMPLOYEE: Guest number 51.

ANGRY CUSTOMER: I told you. It's 43. See? Look. See? Here's your goddamn receipt. They're calling 48 now, so where's my shit?

IN N OUT EMPLOYEE: Sir, your receipt says 48.

ANGRY CUSTOMER: Yeah.

ANOTHER EMPLOYEE: Number 48!!

ANGRY CUSTOMER: That's me. 48.

IN N OUT EMPLOYEE: Sorry, miss. How can I help you?

LUISA: More like how can I help you? Alright? Anyway, I'll get a number one, animal style, please.

IN N OUT EMPLOYEE: Number one, animal style.

LUISA: And a vanilla shake.

IN N OUT EMPLOYEE: Vanilla shake. Will that be everything?

LUISA: Yes. Thank you.

IN N OUT EMPLOYEE: That'll be $13.79.

LUISA: Sorry that you have to deal with shitheads.

IN N OUT EMPLOYEE: It's fine.

LUISA: It's not.

IN N OUT EMPLOYEE: Yeah. Your order number is 59.

LUISA: Thank you.

SIMONE: This is Simone.

LUISA: Hey, Simone. It's Luisa Zhang Hillman.

SIMONE: Yes. Luisa, what what can I do for you?

LUISA: I've been thinking about that ghostwriting assignment you mentioned.

SIMONE: Yes.

LUISA: And I was wondering if the offer was still on the table.

SIMONE: Yes, actually.

LUISA: Great. Because I'd love to take it if you'd still have me.

SIMONE: Yeah.

LUISA: Yeah?

SIMONE: I'll have to check with the team. JK, I call the shots. And, yes, Luisa, Hunter House would love to have you.

LUISA: Oh my god. You got me for a second.

SIMONE: I know. I heard it in your voice.

LUISA: Seriously, I'm grateful, Simone.

SIMONE: What made you change your mind?

LUISA: I realized it was an opportunity, an incredible opportunity.

SIMONE: It is, Luisa, and I'm excited to bring you aboard. In fact, this is superb timing because I just got off the phone with actually, let me back up for a sec. So this ghostwriting project is a memoir for an extraordinary woman. And, of course, the memoir needs an extraordinary extraordinary writer.

LUISA: Yes. Amazing.

SIMONE: Which obviously you are. But listen, the writer for this project also needs to be open minded understanding because the subject, she's quite the force to be reckoned with. Know what I mean?

LUISA: I I yeah. Sure.

SIMONE: And I think you, your writing style, and your personality is frankly so perfect for this. Great. And her backstory. Wow. I mean, wow. It's gonna be a best seller, Luisa. I can't disclose too much before we have you sign an NDA. Uh-huh. But let's just say that she was part of the hottest true crime story of the eighties. True crime. When I say eighties, the the crime took place in 1989.

LUISA: '89?

SIMONE: Yes. Great year, right? Let me tell you that late eighties, early nineties nostalgia is so hot right now. Anyway, spoiler alert, she survived and ended up living the most ridiculously interesting life. Luisa, her story is very heavy, very sad, very gruesome.

LUISA: Oh, I I see.

SIMONE: Like, so tragic. Oh. But it's also an incredible survivor story, like, ball your eyes out incredible. Wow. Because, like, some really fucked up shit happened. Excuse my French. It's it practically writes itself. But, obviously, I can't wait to see how you bring our story to life, and it's true crime. What a dream. So tell me, you excited or what?

LUISA: Yes. I'm very excited.

SIMONE: I can hear it in your voice.

SHERRY: Everything is such bullshit. You could do everything right and still not get ahead or even caught up. I think the worst part about doing everything right is the hope it gives you. False hope. Makes you think that you somehow deserve better, that you'll be rewarded. Rewarded with things you didn't even want to begin with. "I'm so sorry, Sherry. I loved meeting with you, and I think you're very talented. But I'm looking for someone with a just a bit more experience." More experience for an entry level bank associate? What kind of stupid fucking logic is that? Patti is always riding my ass. "You gotta get a better job. You have a kid to take care of." Yeah. No shit, sis. Shit. Did I wake...? Seriously, how do I get an opportunity if no one ever gives me one? I just feel so behind. Like, everyone else is just passing me. This twerp in class asked me how old I was today. So I told him, and he was like, you're 29 years old and just now in college? What have you been doing this whole time? What have I been doing? Would have been nice though to finally be able to brag about something in my life. I fantasized what it would be like getting this job. The nice clothes I would wear to work, the house I'd save up for, the way people would look at me, treat me. God, When Patti finds out... I'm trying my best to do the right thing. I really am. Does it even make a fucking difference? I wonder what would happen if I started doing the wrong thing.

PATTI: Hello, Lulu.

LUISA: Hey, auntie. How are doing?

PATTI: I'm okay.

LUISA: Are you sure?

PATTI: Yes. I'm okay. I'm walking up to the pagoda.

LUISA: I didn't know you were going to the pagoda. I would have joined you.

PATTI: I'm late. I was supposed to come for grandpa's death anniversary last week.

LUISA: Oh, now I really wish you would have told me.

PATTI: It's okay. I will say a prayer on your behalf for grandpa and grandma Zhang and for your mom.

LUISA: Yes. Please do.

PATTI: Hi. Good to see you.

LUISA: I I know you are busy. You have to go, so I'll just make this quick. I have some good news. I accepted the ghostwriting job.

PATTI: Oh, that's good.

LUISA: Yeah. It it is. I'm finally getting paid to write a novel. It's a memoir, which is amazing. It's true crime though, so that's not ideal. But hopefully, this leads to me getting my own work published.

PATTI: Okay.

LUISA: I should let you go.

PATTI: Why?

LUISA: Because you're at the pagoda, and you're not even listening and

PATTI: I I'm still walking.

LUISA: Well, now that I'm gonna be a rich published author, kinda, I'm gonna bring you and uncle out for dinner. My treat.

PATTI: No. No. You don't have to pay. Save your money.

LUISA: No. I'm I'm paying.

PATTI: No. No. No. Save money.

LUISA: Auntie.

PATTI: Luisa, don't be silly.

LUISA: Auntie.

PATTI: Luisa, don't be silly. Young. You need to keep your mind on calling on your family.

LUISA: Stop it. Auntie

PATTI: Me and uncle are old. Yes. But you have kids. They'll need money.

LUISA: Auntie, no.

PATTI: Or braces, piano lessons

LUISA: Auntie, stop. It's okay. I love you. Okay? Stop. I want to buy you and uncle a nice dinner. That's all. End of story. Just let me have this. Okay?

PATTI: Okay.

LUISA: Thank you.

PATTI: So what else is going on? Haven't been calling as much?

LUISA: Oh, nothing. Just been busy?

PATTI: Busy? Because there's something happening in your life that you're not telling me about?

LUISA: Like what?

PATTI: I don't know. Maybe a new man?

LUISA: [laughs] Oh. No. I've just been busy.

PATTI: Kay...

LUISA: Auntie, trust me. I'll let you know when there's a man in my life worth talking about.

PATTI: Lulu, you should be dating. You're not getting any younger. Okay.

LUISA: I'm gonna let you go. Let me know when you and uncle wanna do dinner, which I'm paying for.

PATTI: We'll see.

LUISA: Love you.

PATTI: Love you too.

LUISA: New voicemail. Oh.

TREY: Hey. It's By the Way, Trey. Just getting back to you about hitting up that tiki bar. I'm wide open on Saturday, so let's do it. Is it weird that I called you instead of just texting you back? I think I think I'm, like, one of the few people who still uses a phone to call people. So that's a fun fact about me. Welp. I hope you're having a nice day. Bye.

TREY AUTOMATED VOICEMAIL: You've reached the voicemail of Trey. Please leave a message after the tone.

LUISA: Hey, Trey. It's Luisa. I don't know why I just told you who I was. I I assume you have my number in your phone. Anyway, now we're playing phone tag, and I feel like I'm back in 2002, which honestly, I'm not mad about. Anyway, I don't mind you calling instead of texting. I too enjoy making the occasional call using my telephone. But, yeah, Saturday it is. I'm looking forward to it. Shall we say six o'clock? Hope you're doing well and not thieving any mangoes. Bye.

SHERRY: I was at Debra's place earlier, and she played this old song that I immediately recognized. It was a song my mom used to play, but I never understood the lyrics because the song was in French. Anyway, I haven't heard it in years until today. Deb told me it was by Edith Piaf, which translates to, "no, I regret nothing." Deb says the song is about letting go of the past. Good, bad, everything, and letting life begin anew. That's exactly how my mom lived... with no regret. I don't know. A life without any regret must be nice. I wish I could just let go and forget all the bad stuff. Funny. I think Patti lives that way too... without a single regret. She has this uncanny ability to charge forward without ever looking back. Patti would strangle the wife out of me if she heard this. Sometimes when I drop off Babalu at Patti and Jim's, I start to worry that she'll forget about me, that she'll think Patti's her mother. But today, when I picked her up, Patti was holding her and the moment I walked into the shop, she looked over at me and the look on her face when she saw me, she knew who I was. I was her mama. She reached out her little chunky arms for me, and I swear, I nearly burst into tears. My sweet Babalu. No regrets? I regret that I'm not in a place to give her the life that she deserves, that I may never be able to give her a life that she deserves. I regret not going to NYU when I had the chance. I regret not advocating for my dad when he couldn't advocate for himself. I regret putting myself in situations that allowed people to take advantage of me. I won't sit here and say that I think I'm cut out for this whole mom business, but Babalu's the most excellent thing that's ever happened to me. And to think, before she even came into this world, I already managed to screw things up for her. But that's what happens when you get entangled with a married man.

LUISA: Oh, shit...

SHERRY: More regret. Maybe that's the underlying meaning of that song, that everything, no matter how awful, has to happen so you can be right where you're at now. I'm the mother to a spunky, brilliant baby girl. How could I regret that?

NARRATOR: Babalu was created, written, and produced by me, Kimberly Truong. Directed by Katherine Chen Lerner. Sound design, editing, and mixing by Charles Moody. With performances by Christine Liao, Ruby Marez, Chriselle Almeida, Lee Chen, Diogo Hausen, Greg Smith, Heather Woodward, Varda Appleton, PJ McCormick, James Donahower, Kiera Nusbaum, Mark Morante, Julianne Kolb, and Kimberly Truong. Theme music by Edith Mudge. Additional music by Manish Ayachit. Studio recording by Parker Silzer and David Stern. Artwork by Gabi Hawkins. Logo by Alex Bruno. A very special thank you to Liesl Lafferty and the Firecracker Department. Mari Meyer, Peter Byrnes, Victoria LaVilla, Brandon Beardsley, Hillary and the boys, Katie McCuen, and our incredible Kickstarter backers. Babalu is a production of Uneasy Tiger. For more info or to support this series, follow at Uneasy Tiger on Instagram or TikTok or visit uneasytiger.com. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please dial 988 or visit 988lifeline.org for resources and support.